Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
