On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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