Define "chronic" masturbator.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
