She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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