Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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