Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
