U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
