You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize