last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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