Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
