I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also, beer. Big fan.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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