Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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