hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
