He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
