it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
