My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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