I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
