did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
