Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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