i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
