dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
