the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
