I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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