I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
