I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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