ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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