ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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