He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Found your dick twin last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
