He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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