I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
