ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
