i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
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ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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