she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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