great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
