we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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