I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
