Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
