there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize