The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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