Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
