dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
