I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
