Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
