Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
