Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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