Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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