he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
