I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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