i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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