It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
