saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
