just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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