You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
