found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
even my farts smell like vagina
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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