Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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