when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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