maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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