i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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