singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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