I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
