this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
