I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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