I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
