there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
