dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's never too late to be topless.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
