The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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