I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
