I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
