Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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