Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
