Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
