i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
