covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
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I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
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Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize