Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
