Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
